I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize