Pappa wants mamma naked
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize