thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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