you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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