He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
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We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I lost the right to judge tonight
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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