last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
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at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
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My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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