I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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