Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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