you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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