There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize