i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
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Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
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I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My life is pants optional.
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