Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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