I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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