how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
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hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
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Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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