Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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