i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
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what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
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I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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