Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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