Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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