wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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