How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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