tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
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When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
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That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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