recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
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I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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