my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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