Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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