I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
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But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
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Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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