Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
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There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
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The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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