tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
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