my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
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some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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