were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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