Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just google imaged poop.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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