I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
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Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
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He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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