I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
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she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
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The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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