No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
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He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
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If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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