every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
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I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
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You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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