I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
someone owes me an orgasm
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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