i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize