hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
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I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
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This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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