I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
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When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
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maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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