you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
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the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
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Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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