...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
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I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
whose parrot is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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