so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize