My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
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sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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