wakey wakey hands off snakey
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize