I will die if light touches me.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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