Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize