I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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