Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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