I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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