ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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