Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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